In the year 1570 on April 13, at 2:27 AM, Edward and Edith Fawkes welcomed into this world a full term baby boy who, when laid beside Edith, reached out and pulled over the kerosene lamp, setting fire to the birthing room. They would name the little rascal Guido but he was called Guy from then on. Guy is known to history for his association with a group of Catholic insurrectionists who plotted to assassinate King George I by using 36 barrels of gunpowder to blow up the English Parliament. Guy Fawkes was captured just as he was lighting the fuse.
So we celebrate Guido Fawkes for his guyness and being the only man who has ever lived to have his name attached to every man on planet Earth since November 5, 1605 when Guy was captured, charged and found guilty of treason which resulted in his being hanged, drawn and quartered.
So let’s give a shoutout to Guy Fawkes who, if we could put him back together and have a team of shrinks wash his brain clean of doctrinaire nastiness, might turn out to be a decent guy.
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I Enjoy Being A Guy (Apologies to Richard Rogers)
I’m strictly a real male, real male
And my future I hope will be
Entwined in the arms of a female
Whose fulfilled with a guy like me.
When we go to a big State Fair
I’m lost but I won’t complain
I never ask how to get there
Just circle again and again.
I’m a guy and by me that is great
I’m a guy, I don’t glow, I just sweat
I’m a guy, and I do hate to wait
I’m a guy, why aren’t you ready yet?
